Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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