she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
