Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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