physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
