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I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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