why didn't you poke me back
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
