the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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