He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
