My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
