the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
