just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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