You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every concussion has its silver lining
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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