i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
