i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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