I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
