textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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