I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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