Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
