I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
