I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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