Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
