the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Houston, we have a blender
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
