I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is classic penis vs brain.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
