apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
