have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
