I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
