i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
