But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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