You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're so committed to being not committed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
