Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
