if i can run in heels then i can drive
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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