I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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