Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
