I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
