omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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