Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
