Fine. I'll sleep in my office
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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