I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
