I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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