Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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