My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
