I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
