Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
