I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
