Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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