Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
