Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
