once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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