My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
