Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
