Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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