He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
